Dear Hollywood Movie Making Idiots

Dear Hollywood Movie Making Idiots,

First of all, let me say I realize I am not your usual target audience, I am not a prepubescent adolescent child. I also do not have a penis, therefore I do not want to see a movie with boobies, boobies, boobies! I would also like to point out that I am not brain dead, which seems to be a prerequisite for seeing your movies. What/who I am is a grown woman with what must be a serious addiction to "butter flavor topping". Otherwise, I have no explanation for my seemingly endless obsession with seeing all of the crapola movies you've been putting out lately. In one week alone I've seen, Taken, He's Just Not That Into You and finally topping off the steaming pile, comes Confessions of a Shopaholic. Seriously? I AM a shopaholic and this is an insult to Shopaholics everywhere! This movie couldn't have been further off the mark, its like having a thrift store full of Gucci, unrealistic and its never gonna happen. And guess what else? all Shopaholics are not cute, spunky girls-who are just a bit "quirky" oh, please spare me. A real Shopahlic is sitting on her couch watching QVC ordering sparkly "Quaker Factory" theme sweaters from the whack-a-do lady with the headbands! We know who we are and are not ashamed to admit it!

I suppose I shouldn't completely trash Shopaholic, as a shopaholic I certainly like to look at pretty things (Ok, I like to BUY pretty things) and Shop did offer the endless parade of pretty things to look at-or was that just self promoting product placement? (Either way, show me anything Prada and I'll drool, I never said I was a reformed shopaholic) but the point is, this was a profoundly bad movie. I understand some movies are meant for entertainment purposes only, I understand the value of a "check your brain at the door" movie, I have no problem with these movies, I've been there done that (Bad Boys ring any bells) will do it again. So why am I so annoyed with Shopaholic? Because, even though I knew it wasn't going to be Hamlet, I honestly thought there would be SOMETHING! Instead you give me another bland cliche rehashing the same pretty boy gets pretty girl, everything works out in the end rubbish. You had a talented actress wandering aimlessly through a mindless movie, given nothing more to do than be cute and quirky (what is quirky anyway and why do we need a movie about it). There was no script to speak of, no real "characters" just one endless unfunny "joke" about shopping? Really? The sad part is this movie had potential, it could have been funny or at least remotely amusing, it could have been a sweet love story, with a real and timely message, no such luck, you blew it.

I want to see a good movie, or at least one that is not so insulting to my intelligence that I feel the need to come home and watch Chelsea Lately for some intellectual stimulation.

In conclusion dear idiots, I will agree to see the majority of your "check your brain at the door" movies if you agree to come up with an original idea! Try something different (remember I See Dead People?) If not, I feel I must warn you. I'll be initiating my world wide movie domination plan: "PAY AT THE END"! This will allow movie goers to pay what they feel the movie was worth AFTER they've seen it I think that's the initiative you need! Had this been an option for Shopaholic I would have,should have paid two dollars and I'm being overly kind with that dollar amount. I originally gave it a whopping dollar, however because I'm in a generous mood and I enjoy looking at pretty things, I threw in an extra buck. You're welcome!

Sincerely

Film Shrew

PS

I know Tina Fey and Diablo are probably busy, but, seriously, try and get an appointment!